Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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