I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
