Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
