Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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