to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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