I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
