its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
