You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
