I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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