So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
