covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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