Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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