I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
