I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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