Don't you send me to vm
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
