New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
