my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
