Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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