It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
