"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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