My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
