I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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