I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
