I think i peed on brittanys purse
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
