and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
