you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
