Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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