Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
