your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
