My Higher Power is John Stamos
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
