I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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