I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
