So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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