I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
