If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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