My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
