So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
