Are we in a gay sports bar?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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