You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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