Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
