Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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