i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
