And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
