she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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