He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
