i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
