I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
