so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
