I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You are the jesus of drinking
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
