Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
