omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dick very happy bro
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