Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
