it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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