so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
