I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
