Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
