officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
