If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
